Diapers

Life in Theory: 

Save money by switching to cloth diapers. Since, the pregnancy is finally over- I will have the energy and emotional clarity to get things back to the new normal.

Life in Reality: 

There is only one situation in life where you literally ask God to send you into pain. That is when you are pregnant and are certain you cannot handle even one more moment with your sweet baby inside of you. I was at this point, a week before the due date and certain since my first two were early, he would be to.

This pregnancy was terrible, I was an emotional wreck (emotional roller coasters are typical for pregnancy and absolutely no fun and nothing to tease about). I however was dealing with depression before I became pregnant and the new hormones hijacked my system and amplified it to unbearable. The physical pain had increased with each pregnancy. Rather than the joy that comes with babies, came quilt from not being able to enjoy the new baby's growing and arrival. I only tell you this because so often on blogs, you read and see such wonderful lives and get the impression that everyone has it together but me. This is true of Christians too, which should be the opposite- we should be sharing in our struggles and encouraging each other, not just putting on our Sunday best.

PS Don't worry the post does not stay in doom and gloom- God works things out for the good of his people! 

But back to the diapers. This pregnancy left me on the couch feeding my boys crackers and cheese and popsicles for lunch, hoping there was something clean somewhere to wear. It was not uncommon to see mom in pajamas and the boys in underwear and diapers....diapers....keeping with status-quo my mind allowed me to focus on the negative and realize that I was not so lucky this time around. Stryder was potty trained at two (only wearing diapers at night). So when Zeke came along we still only needed to buy diapers for one kiddo. Zeke is not potty trained and in our sorry financial affairs we would be purchasing diapers for two.

Hmmm....how will I add that to our budget?

As the pregnancy progressed things got better, I was able to determine several great contributing factors to my depression and begun to work on those things. Of course the stress of things in our life and those roller coasters were still there. As I began to pray for pain to send Elisha into the world, I decided, hey the roller coasters will soon be over. Though slow, like any government run project, the bumpy road was finally beginning to be paved. I thought I can do it! I pictured the women with the bandana holding up her muscle and said, "I can be a cloth diaperer!"

I asked some friends who were avid and successful for some advice for the lazy washer and the how tos on purchasing economical but worthwhile diapers. I got out all of our old, "previous try" cloth diapers, purchased a couple of trial packs and was satisfied with my conclusion.

Finally on October 3rd, God answered my prayer for pain and I told God, "Never mind I'm ok without it." Thus changing my prayer for God to deliver me from the curse and get me out of this pain. On October 4th, God blessed us with Elisha. As I was explaining to Stryder why Elisha was naked and that we would put a diaper on him soon, I thought, "Maybe later, I'm not sure I'm really cut out for cloth diapering." Being the great big brother he is, Stryder left and came back in with one of Zeke's diapers.....my mind thought, "Could I? Maybe I...size 6 on a newborn could work with some tape..."

We were out of tape.

As I sit here a few days later typing this, I had a realization. Zeke is in diapers, Elisha is in diapers, and mommy is in diapers- so much for saving money on diapers ;)

God is still working on me but diapers are no longer such a doom and gloom subject, my bumpy road is still working itself out.

²¹ A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. ²² So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. John 16:21-22