Si on the Shelf Day 4

Last night, Timmi and Daddy completed day 3 of the advent calendar that Si helped me hang. They created our very own fireplace. Here they are chompin' on some grilled cheese in front of it, while daddy read about Jesus' birth in Luke.

 This morning none of us could wait all day to do day 4, so we started early! When Si heard about the marshmallows and hot chocolate, he decided to join us! We all listened to the story about how the Angel Gabriel visited Mary.

Si on the Shelf Day 3

Si dropped by today for the 3rd day of Christmas! He heard I was late in getting our advent calendar up, so he lent me a hand. He also brought the boys a treat- isn't he sweet!

 Day #3 Zeke couldn't keep his eyes open until daddy got home! Stryder and daddy worked hard on the fireplace. Then had some grilled cheeses while reading some of Luke chapter 2.

Yolky Slip n' Slide

Growing in Theory:

Fix refrigerator door with duck tape.

Growing in Reality:

Our fridge was a hand me down to begin with and we were grateful for it. It gets just cold enough to keep the food from spoiling. Our raw milk we purchase has to go in a mini fridge in the garage, because our big fridge won't go below 39*.

Haha, as I typed this, I thought- frugal my hiney- I have an entire fridge hooked up for our milk...how is that saving money?! I'm seriously thinking of digging a hole in the back yard and going to see if that's cold enough :) I wonder if the old school way of doing it would be cheaper and just put an ice block in the fridge.....hmmm

Anyway, that's beside the point. The door slots that hold condiments plop all the condiments out as they wiggle out of place. Eventually despite many failed attempts they were beyond repair. Today as I stocked the fridge with groceries- I sigh as there just isn't enough room with all the condiments. I considered putting them in the garage...but realized I would only find them on the counter after each use- who am I kidding that my family will walk all the way to the garage to put it away? And then there is the problem of the child lock on the door.

So I'm going to settle this matter. I take everything out of the fridge- shove it to the dumpster and hop in the car to sears appliance. Just kidding.

I propped open the door and headed to the garage for some duck tape. No luck, so I head to the office. I found about a foot left of hot pink duck tape, string and packaging tape. We shall make do.

Back to the kitchen. Zeke is covered in raw eggs and is gleefully sliding across the floor on his new egg drop slip in slide. Timmi has scattered the groceries across the kitchen, putting things away in various cabinets, shelves and some in the freezer.

There is never a simple task in this home.  I sighed as I settled on using the string for repairs and winced as I opted to allow the chaos to continue so I could finish my task at hand. Motherhood indeed builds patience.

For you have need of steadfast patience and endurance, so that you may perform and fully accomplish the will of God, and thus receive and carry away [and enjoy to the full] what is promised.Hebrews 10: 36

Diapers

Life in Theory: 

Save money by switching to cloth diapers. Since, the pregnancy is finally over- I will have the energy and emotional clarity to get things back to the new normal.

Life in Reality: 

There is only one situation in life where you literally ask God to send you into pain. That is when you are pregnant and are certain you cannot handle even one more moment with your sweet baby inside of you. I was at this point, a week before the due date and certain since my first two were early, he would be to.

This pregnancy was terrible, I was an emotional wreck (emotional roller coasters are typical for pregnancy and absolutely no fun and nothing to tease about). I however was dealing with depression before I became pregnant and the new hormones hijacked my system and amplified it to unbearable. The physical pain had increased with each pregnancy. Rather than the joy that comes with babies, came quilt from not being able to enjoy the new baby's growing and arrival. I only tell you this because so often on blogs, you read and see such wonderful lives and get the impression that everyone has it together but me. This is true of Christians too, which should be the opposite- we should be sharing in our struggles and encouraging each other, not just putting on our Sunday best.

PS Don't worry the post does not stay in doom and gloom- God works things out for the good of his people! 

But back to the diapers. This pregnancy left me on the couch feeding my boys crackers and cheese and popsicles for lunch, hoping there was something clean somewhere to wear. It was not uncommon to see mom in pajamas and the boys in underwear and diapers....diapers....keeping with status-quo my mind allowed me to focus on the negative and realize that I was not so lucky this time around. Stryder was potty trained at two (only wearing diapers at night). So when Zeke came along we still only needed to buy diapers for one kiddo. Zeke is not potty trained and in our sorry financial affairs we would be purchasing diapers for two.

Hmmm....how will I add that to our budget?

As the pregnancy progressed things got better, I was able to determine several great contributing factors to my depression and begun to work on those things. Of course the stress of things in our life and those roller coasters were still there. As I began to pray for pain to send Elisha into the world, I decided, hey the roller coasters will soon be over. Though slow, like any government run project, the bumpy road was finally beginning to be paved. I thought I can do it! I pictured the women with the bandana holding up her muscle and said, "I can be a cloth diaperer!"

I asked some friends who were avid and successful for some advice for the lazy washer and the how tos on purchasing economical but worthwhile diapers. I got out all of our old, "previous try" cloth diapers, purchased a couple of trial packs and was satisfied with my conclusion.

Finally on October 3rd, God answered my prayer for pain and I told God, "Never mind I'm ok without it." Thus changing my prayer for God to deliver me from the curse and get me out of this pain. On October 4th, God blessed us with Elisha. As I was explaining to Stryder why Elisha was naked and that we would put a diaper on him soon, I thought, "Maybe later, I'm not sure I'm really cut out for cloth diapering." Being the great big brother he is, Stryder left and came back in with one of Zeke's diapers.....my mind thought, "Could I? Maybe I...size 6 on a newborn could work with some tape..."

We were out of tape.

As I sit here a few days later typing this, I had a realization. Zeke is in diapers, Elisha is in diapers, and mommy is in diapers- so much for saving money on diapers ;)

God is still working on me but diapers are no longer such a doom and gloom subject, my bumpy road is still working itself out.

²¹ A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. ²² So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. John 16:21-22

I need chaos to calm me down.

Life In Theory:
Cover yourself in prayer, stay in God's word and don't let the world rub you the wrong way, let it roll of of you like the water on feathers of a chicken.

Picture from nypost.com

Life in Reality:

I sat at my desk tonight thinking about the fact that when I stand up my hips will be locked and I will be miserable for the rest of the night (due to pregnancy and back dilemmas), for the moment I decided it was worth it. I know later I will think- why do I keep doing this to myself.

Excited about my new creation for Children's Church, I shared it with my husband who was less than thrilled. I'm not sure if he was already in a bad mood or our conversation really rubbed him the wrong way...but it clearly rubbed my hormonal emotions the wrong way and rubbed the tears right out of me until I was sobbing uncontrollably.

It had been a long day, it was a draining day on me before this conversation; the kiddos had cried more or maybe my mood was less tolerant of the crying...who knows. Maybe I was wallowing in my self-pity about not having a car and that some how made me desperately want to go somewhere. Maybe I was just tired. Maybe the stress of life was just heavy on my mind today- whatever it was I suddenly felt completely lost.

I closed the door, sobbed and cried out to God that I just wasn't capable. I was too weak. I couldn't be a good mom (after all I basically shoved cookies down my kids throat every time they cried today, just so I could move past that moment). Despite my trials at church I had my husband behind me and now it seemed after our conversation that I was alone in that. I was incapable of dealing with the stress of finance. I felt desperate, alone, weak, lost and without God. How long God? I can't endure this one...I can't fix it, so what are you going to do?

I took full blame, I just felt helpless to fix it.

 

SQUAWK!!!

Then suddenly Anne the chicken literally flew past my window, a blur of feathers though my tears. A tiny dog leaped in the air after it. Does it matter that the water is rolling off the feathers, if the feathers are being torn from your flesh?

What?! I flew out the room, out the front door and immediately my flood of emotion was gone and I was in, protect my poor chickens from these crazy dogs, mode. I yelled, shooed and snatched up one of the dogs as my husband came out to see what his crazy wife was doing.

My chickens are fine, the owners were super sorry (of course standing face to face with my husband will do that to most people :). And my eyes were dry. I needed that chaos to calm me down. Yes, I said I needed that chaos to calm me down. Suddenly I wasn't quite so incapable.After all I at least saved the chickens tonight.

I came back inside, figured I'd glance at facebook and go to bed. Here's the headline I saw...

“My kids don’t need a SuperMama. They need to see a Mama who needs a Super God.”

Thank God! I am no super mom, I am no super wife, I am no super Christian, I am no super accountant...
but I do have a super God!

I suppose even the fictional super man sometimes frowns and thinks- I'm not capable.

Then I laughed and thought, God will even use facebook to teach us! :)

“But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6

Pride

Life in Theory: Despite my reservations about these types of businesses, in order to support a friend, I'm going to throw a Party Lite Party that is relaxing and fun for all! I'm not sure if this makes me an enabler or a supportive friend.

Life in Reality: I thought that I was capable of rounding up enough people to at least help my friend pay for her kit to start the business. Two days away and I'm starting to realize I'm not so capable....

There are few people in this world capable of actually making money in these...and they are often annoying people. (Key word there-often, not always.)

The phone rings, since your husband has been nagging you about answering the phone when he calls.... you set your diaperless baby on the floor. Dart off down the hallway, tripping over toys and stubbing your toe. Rifling through your purse with no success, you dump it out on the table, and turn it over to see the caller id. Sigh...you realize its just them, and you quickly decide how you're going to word, "I'm too broke for this junk," in a polite way,while thinking- it's only $2 at the dollar store! Then they proceed to tell you that it's half off this month, and if you throw another party, it could be free.

I don't think my friend has this personality; if she does succeed, which I hope for her sake, she does, I don't think she'll be the pushy sales man type. Nonetheless, I picked the candle that promised I would throw a party for her. So much for risk taking ( More on that story another day)

The website says to get 10 people to attend, you need to invite 30. It suggest inviting your hair stylist, your manicurist, and your secretary. LOL My stylist is my husband ( he is free, not always what you're expecting but not too shabby), my manicurist is me, and if I had a secretary, they would be inviting themselves because it would be there job to plan the party :)

But in order to make my friend a couple bucks, I invited everybody I knew. Surely I can easily get ten to show. And that's where my pride got broken....I can't even get 5.

Have you ever seen Faith Like Potatoes? It's a little slow, but a fantastic movie. At one point the man is seeking to throw a revival in Afirica. As the doors are opening and not a single person is showing, he prays, "God please don't embarrass me!" He had made it clear to the town, he could do this, it would succeed. Well in the end God saw fit to bring people to the revival, the man was far from embarrassed. I'm not so sure, he views the party in the same manner :(

As much as I sometimes wish I was my sister or my gram, where people flock to them. That's not who God made me. I'm not a salesmen, the word no is a hard word for me, and my pride-well I'll just have to settle knowing that I'm not the most popular girl in school. But I can know that who I am in Christ, makes up for everything. I will never have the best parties, if we moved across country, my sister would probably be the only visitor. But my security in Christ is sealed without a doubt. He paid the ultimate price and I'm ok with that. Besides, I was seriously wondering how I was going to get my house presentable in time anyway!


As an enabler, supporter you can still support my friend's adventure and order through her website.
Sheys Candles

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. 

Proverbs11:2

Splash

Life in Theory:

Spalsh! I am an education major, before that -a swim instructor....having smart kids who swim early will be no problem!

Life in Reality:

"Mom, look at me swim!" Stryder bellows, as he is belly down in the bath tub. Kicking is feet furiously, soaking the bathroom thoroughly.

Stryder thinks he can swim, Zeke wishes he could swim- both would sink like a rock tied to an anchor! 

Neither one of my boys can swim! They like water, splashing is a great joy, but I'm seriously considering swim lessons. I took great pride in my ability to help every child who has ever crossed my path to learn to swim. I have taught infants to adults; how is it possible that I cannot get my son to let go of my hand without screaming bloody murder?

I thought I would be the perfect mom, from all my nannying, babysitting, observational skills, and education, I thought I knew the solution to every parental problem- and to some degree I did. The problem is, it's like socialism, it looks great on paper.

In reality, you're exhausted, your kids keep eating your power snacks, drinking your water, and no matter how many studies and experts you consult, little Zeke just will not sleep more than 45 minutes. The car will break down when you desperately need groceries, and suddenly jello doesn't seem like such a bad choice for lunch anymore. And then you realize, why not have cake for breakfast- it's just as healthy as a donut!

I may think I have the perfect plan, but then God reveals that he guides my footsteps, and my children's swim strokes! He reveals daily that without him, I am truly nothing. But in him, I am righteous and my children will still turn out great, despite my many failed lessons. His purpose for my children is far greater than being an early swimmer!

But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever   the purposes of his heart through all generations.

Psalm 33:1